top of page

Turn Rage Into Passion ๐Ÿ”ฅ

๐—ง๐—ฅ๐—œ๐—š๐—š๐—˜๐—ฅ ๐—ช๐—”๐—ฅ๐—ก๐—œ๐—ก๐—š - Sensitive content below relating to my experience with sexual trauma.


It's been since 2019 that I've started healing from years of molestation but never has it surfaced so frequently and as intensely than this Eclipse Season (April 19 - May 5, 2023).


Disturbing thoughts ruminate in my mind.


๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ ๐˜š๐˜– ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜บ.

๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜จ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต.

๐˜๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ง๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ.

๐˜๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ข๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ.

๐˜๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ข๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ.

๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ.

๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ.


Deep, entrenched pains cycle through my body.


๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜จ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ.

๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜บ.

๐˜ ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ด๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ.

๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ๐˜บ.


I can still see, hear and feel the experience as if it happened yesterday.


I thought I was doing the right thing. He gave me attention. I felt wanted.


Guilt, shame and rage consume me.


๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ๐˜ข๐˜บ?

๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ข ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ?

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜บ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ซ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ?


I wish I could erase the vividness of these memories but I can't.


๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ถ๐˜ ๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜๐˜€ ๐—บ๐—ฒ.


The best thing I can do at this point is to be honest with myself, give myself full permission to FEEL and practice forgiveness.


๐—ง๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฟ๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป.

๐—ง๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜€๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ.


Why did he do it? I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be him, to become so influenced by the darkness inside and to not have the awareness, willingness or self-control to choose a different path. All I know is that I was a willing participant and didn't know any better, and I take full responsibility for that.


๐—”๐˜€ ๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜‚๐—ฝ ๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ฒ๐˜…๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ, ๐˜„๐—ฒ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐˜† ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ผ๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—ต๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐˜„๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ.


We can play the victim and get stuck in a shitty karmic cycle or we can use our experiences to heal, grow and transform.


I realized that, at the end of the day, I am the one holding onto this pain and facing the consequences of it, and I am EXHAUSTED.


๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ.


If you or anyone you know has been sexually abused, please know and let them know that you (and they) are not alone. You are loved and supported. Let us transmute this pain... the rage... into passion. ๐Ÿ”ฅ

bottom of page