Major lesson of 2020: OBSERVE & JUST LISTEN.
This has been pretty hard for me to come back to. As a child, that’s all I did. I was extremely quiet and observant because I was highly aware and sensitive to my surroundings. It’s what made me different but was totally unacceptable to most people around me. With many years of learned behavior, I became part of the crowd just to feel more accepted and loved. I learned how to rely on my mind, using logic and reasoning to try to make sense of everything I experienced and "fix" whatever needed to be fixed to help mitigate any potential threats. It felt unnerving as if life was a battlefield and that I needed to defend and protect myself at all times in order to survive. Though, deep down, I always knew there was more to life than just this. Last year, I realized even more so that as long as I am fighting against myself, I will always feel attacked, and that this constant need to respond and act is only a survival mechanism rooted in fear. My deepest fear was feeling the pain of rejection.
During 2020, my guides had given me so many opportunities to come into a space of observation without judging, analyzing, trying to come up with a solution, or running away. I was SO mad. 😂 Those experiences were very hardcore! It pushed me so deep into my darkness.
They kept telling me: “Do not entertain your thoughts and fears. Be present with your emotions and just listen.” Let me tell you... I have learned things about myself, other people, the world and the universe that I would’ve never learned if I didn’t shut up. 🤣 In all seriousness, despite how painful and vulnerable these experiences were, I am so grateful because I have developed a much stronger connection with myself and, in turn, other people and the world. 🥰 What was your major lesson during 2020?